My Ego gets the best of me... deep

tonights results: 2 mtt's on stars

$50+5 331 entries, bust out early when I get it allin on the flop with A9 vs QJ on 9xx flop.

then the $5 rebuy 25k gtd 1915 entries, this one really hurt me.

I played great for 5 hours and was the chipleader for a period deep in the mtt... I never left the top 5 spots either when we got down to 100 players. I was playing awesome and making moves for pots that didnt belong to me, I didnt even get AA once in the mtt, KK once but that lost to 66. Just AK a few times that held a few times.

Anyway, we get down to 30 players and I am 4th in chips with 650k and the cl directly to my right. Hes a crazy ass mofo donkey, donkbetting ace high in numerous pots, and getting allin with ridicilous hands. then these two hands come up and send me to the rail... these 2 hands in 2 minutes out of 5+ hours I lose my focus, stopped paying attention to detail, and let my gaurd down.

TT utg, i raise to 50k blinds 10k/20k. button cold calls and the bb donkey calls. doesn't surprise me, these players are extremely weak. flop J43, bb checks, and I figure I'll take the safe route and check also, see what develops. button bets 80k and bb raises to 200k... i fold.

that may sound like the right play to most, but i think i played it horribly. I obviously have to make a move for the pot, continuation bet and defend my pf raise, now im trapped faced to call a bet and a check raise. and the bb could have anything here, at best a jack... and even thats a small percentage on his range. Any pair 22-99, AK-A2, and 'EVERY OTHER" hand possible... I kid you not, he was that bad. even 72, 73, 82 etc...

but whatever, I should have just got over it, get my composure back, get back to playing good solid poker, and move on over to the next hand. Instead I guess im still tilting, there are numerous distractions bothering me, I get impatient and go bust in a stupid hand vs same donk.

my bb donkey sb. folds to sb who min raises to 40k and I have 44. I obviously should have called and played a flop and not get into trouble with chip leader who is uber aggressive... NOPE, reraise 1/2 my chips and he instacalls. checks to me T93 flop and I shove w/out even thinking it through. He instcalls 77, 7 turn, gg me.

these little things deep in tourneys where I lose my focus for a split second.... are possibly costing me thousands of dollars. It makes me sick. I can live with taking a bad beat to send me to the rail... but not when I know it was my own damm mistakes and loss of focus.

this has gotten way longer than expected. Well just gotta get back on the horse because tomorrow's another day.